Ten questions to ask if you're writing a scrutiny report #9: is your language reader-friendly?

Scrutiny reports are aimed at the public – the communities who use local services.  We should always seek to use words that the public will understand.

We all know that we should avoid jargon. Indeed, in 2009 the Local Government Association published a list of words they would prefer local authorities to avoid. (How good is the list?  It's up to you to decide...)

But I suspect the real problem is not the use of in-house language.  Very few scrutiny reports actually indulge in impenetrable jargon.  The real issue is that the writer is not thinking about how to make the text easier to read.

Making ourselves understood is not easy.  Of course we should prefer short words to long words; but we shall not greatly improve the quality of our reports by simply substituting one word for another. 

 

We need to think about how the words fit together.  What ideas are we trying to convey?  How can we express those ideas clearly to members of the public who pay for our services?

If you were to submit your report to the Plain English Campaign to be assessed, these are the principles they would use. 

• Make your average sentence length 15 to 20 words.
• Use only the words that your reader is most likely to understand.
• Use only as many words as you need.
• Use the strongest, clearest and most specific verbs you can.
• Say what you mean. Be positive; avoid standard expressions and tired formulas.
• Punctuate clearly and simply.

(Here's the Plain English Campaign's price list.)

At the word level, two problems contribute more than anything else to incomprehensibility.

• Passive verbs
• Abstract nouns

Both are particularly common in scrutiny reports.  If we can ration our use of both, we shall do a lot to make our text more readable.

 

Passive verbs

 Verbs can be either active or passive. An active verb expresses what its subject does; a passive verb expresses what its subject suffers. Sentences with active verbs are shorter, stronger and more dynamic than those with passive ones.

The service has been improved by the department.

The department has improved the service.

 

Readers understand sentences in the active voice more quickly and easily because it follows how we think and process information. The passive voice forces readers to take extra mental steps as they convert the passive into the active.

 

 

To turn a passive verb into an active one, ask: “By whom?” or “By what?”  Place the ‘actor’ at the start of the sentence and build the rest of the sentence on.

There are planning policies and funding issues to resolve before the final approach is agreed. These are currently being pursued with the council. The existing scope of the scheme will also be considered, and particularly whether any adjacent properties with high investment needs should be considered for redevelopment.

We need to resolve planning policies and funding issues; we are currently discussing these issues with the council before we agree a final approach.  We shall also review the existing scope of the scheme, and particularly whether we should consider redeveloping any adjacent properties with high investment needs.

 

Abstract nouns

Nouns name things, people, times, places or qualities.  

 Concrete nouns name things physically present in the world (table, woman, pen, car, tree).

 

 

Abstract nouns name ideas, concepts or qualities that cannot be sensed physically (growth, awareness, training,  marketing, possibility).

 

 

Try to cut down your use of abstract nouns. Replace them, if you can, with verbs or adjectives. If you can only replace an abstract noun with a group of shorter, more concrete words, consider keeping it.

• We shall make our decision on Friday.
• We shall decide on Friday.

•   There is little effective management in the department.
• The department is not well managed.
  

• We are expecting cooperation between committee members and the Mayor.
• We expect committee members and the Mayor to cooperate.
  

• Maintenance of playing fields is not regular.
• The playing fields are not regularly maintained.
  

• I have responsibility for writing the minutes of the meeting.
• I am responsible for writing the minutes of the meeting.
  

• Please confirm your availability.
• Please confirm whether you are available.

• There is a degree of flexibility in the arrangements.
• The arrangements are quite flexible.

 

Bringing it alive

 

Good writing comes alive in the reader's mind. When we read something well written, we hardly feel that we are reading at all.  We sense the writer 'speaking' to us.

That's the kind of writing we should be aiming to produce.

 

 

Bringing your own writing to life is a long-term project. Here are some guidelines to point you in the right direction.

• Say what you mean.
• Be specific.
• Be positive.
• Remove blockages.

 Style is personal. Choosing how to write is like choosing how to dress. Improving your style is not unlike improving your dress sense. Look around; imitate what you admire; aim for functional elegance rather than excessive flamboyance.

 

Say what you mean.

Concentrate on what you want to say, not how to say it. Imagine the reader’s response. If you only had a few seconds to get your point across, what would you say?

• Write down your key messages as boldly as possible.
• Imagine speaking what you have written. Could you say it more simply?
• Be sincere. Don’t wrap your meaning up in fancy language.
• Don’t use ‘scaffolding’. Avoid describing what you are doing in the document: "In this chapter, we shall examine..." Avoid referring to the fact that the reader is reading: "It is important to understand here that..."

 

Be specific.

Aim to be precise rather than vague. Avoid generalising.

• Use numbers carefully. Ration them, so that you don’t blind the reader with statistics. Avoid words that convey a general sense of number (several, lots, few) or that are value-loaded (excessive, insufficient, unacceptable, gigantic) – unless you can support the judgement with numbers.
• Write personally. Use names. Allocate responsibility for actions. Use personal pronouns wherever appropriate, but take care not to overuse them.
• Use verbs with a specific meaning. Avoid verbs that don’t mean much (get, carry out, perform, give, conduct, implement, move do). In particular, try to find crisper alternatives to the verbs to have and to be.
• Make it concrete. Give real examples.
• Use jargon carefully. If your reader will understand an idea better in jargon, use it. Very often, however, we use jargon to cover our own lack of clear understanding. Don’t use jargon as an excuse for not knowing quite what you mean.

 

 Be positive.

The best scrutiny writing is forward-looking and action-centred. Avoid writing too much about what has happened, what hasn’t happened, what should have happened or what’s wrong.

• Write about proposals, future action, how to put things right, what should happen.
• Make definite demands.
• Generate in your reader the feeling appropriate to the message. Avoid emotive language.

 

Remove blockages.

Good writing flows like water in a pipe. The words should be under pressure. Remove blockages so that the meaning flows freely.

• Transform passive verbs into active ones.
• Replace abstract nouns with concrete ones.
• Remove unnecessary words or groups of words.
• Exterminate clichés.
• Puncture inflated language. You can easily tell if a word is inflated. If you remove it, would you need a group of words to say the same thing? If so, the word is not inflated. If not, find a shorter alternative or remove the word completely.

If you like what you see here, you might like to contact me to discuss working with you.  I am currently working with one of the scrutiny team of a major local assembly in the UK.  I run training courses, and coach individual writers.  I can even give you some feedback on the reports your team is producing, if you want nothing more.  Go to my website to take a look at a sample training programme.